Many couples who are facing the prospect of a divorce or separation believe that it is the legalities and practicalities of the situation that need to be managed and resolved.

People going through separation are aware that they may be feeling a number of painful emotions: – anger, sadness, guilt, anxiety, grief and loss but there is often an attempt to stifle such feelings in order to get on with the practicalities of ending the relationship.

Due to this vortex of emotions, it’s not uncommon for you to beat yourself up or act and behave in a way you’d never imagined before. Divorce can be one of the most painful events you will ever experience in your life.

Acknowledging and being aware of your emotions during the divorce process is the first step in managing your emotions. And it is managing your emotions that will help you overcome some of the more difficult aspects of your divorce, not to mention helping you to build a foundation for peace and harmony with your former partner once the divorce is final.

If these emotions are managed appropriately and sensitively it will have a more positive impact on not only the legal process and decisions required but on your life and happiness as a whole.

As a Divorce coach, clients regularly contact me when they are having a testing time resolving issues with their spouse. The first thing I do is check in with their emotional state. Acknowledging and processing difficult emotions calms you down and allows your mind fog to clear. That way you have more focus and clarity about the situation.

Here are some practical ways to deal with your emotions during the divorce process.

1. Flexible Thinking: Bitterness and unhappiness can make you rigid in your thinking. Flexible thinking means that you don’t automatically reject what your former spouse may say when new ideas are discussed or decisions need to be made. Bill Eddy, President of the High Conflict Institute and author of several books related to high conflict divorce, explains that flexible thinking includes having the ability to think of several proposals for solving problems rather than just fighting for your first idea. This in turn results in making better decisions. 2. Check Yourself: It is always important to check yourself and your reactions to your spouse. Are you saying no because you’re angry and upset over what your spouse did? Are you saying no to spite your spouse? Or are you making decisions based on the situation at hand and what is best for you and your family going forward? Ask these questions before you respond to your spouse. When you make decisions that are born out of a rational and calm thought-process, you may find that you make better decisions. “Being able to focus on changing yourself and not trying to change the other person will make your life less frustrating and more successful” says Eddy.

3. Focus on the Big Picture: Don’t get stuck in resentment and indignation. Look at the big picture and write your goals down on paper so that you can keep track of what you are hoping to accomplish at the end of your divorce and beyond. For example, if your goal is to make the divorce as peaceful and seamless as possible for your children, you may think differently about how you react and respond to your spouse in front of them. Focusing on your goals will help you avoid getting bogged down in the small stuff and focus on what’s really important.

With all of this being said, don’t beat yourself up when you are immersed with a sense of overwhelming emotion. Divorce and separation can be a very difficult and painful process and it is important to allow yourself to indulge in the emotions you are feeling during that process.

Suppressing those emotions only makes them grow stronger. You can’t heal or grow in any way if you are not in-tune with yourself and your feelings. Sometimes people attempt to shut off their emotions to shield themselves, but by doing that, you shield yourself from the good as well as the bad, it backfires drastically.

Divorce coaching helps alleviate the pain and ensures that emotions do not threaten to exacerbate the legal process, the decisions that need to be taken and your future happiness.

Contact me if you need some support and you need a safe place to process your emotions.